Make masturbation more exciting
Witnessing people masturbating has taught me a lot. One thing I’ve noticed is that most people have a very boring and static masturbation position that they adopt. This limits their engagement with their actual body: they sit or lie in one position, their hand moves and their body is quite passive. What position are you in when you masturbate? Do you ever change position during your masturbation sessions? Do you ever intentionally try out different positions?
Experimenting with different positions is a simple way to put a new perspective on your masturbation experience. By changing the physical position of your body you will shift ingrained patterns of tension, notice different sensations and areas of your body, and be able to try out different kinds of touch or touch different areas (you can’t touch the back of your body so easily if you’re always lying on your back). Moving through different positions can add a layer of eroticism as you are more active and engaged with the experience.
Trying out different positions will make you less dependent on porn
Moving your body and being in different masturbation positions can create a bridge between fantasy and felt experience i.e. if you fantasise about having sex doggy style but normally are just flat on your back and engrossed in the mental imagery, you can create a more somatic experience (body and mind) by actually moving into a doggy style position and allowing your body to feel the fantasy. Connecting to the visceral sensations of the fantasy will make the whole experience way more fun, engaging and exciting! Likewise, if you usually watch porn whilst entirely disconnected from your own body sensations, lying flat on your back and only moving your hand, why not get your body involved and mimic the positions you see on the screen! This will ultimately make you less dependent on porn and more connected to your own body.
My top 5 masturbation positions
This is a great way to interrupt the passive, lying down position that many people have during masturbation. It’s a nice one to try in the shower – you’re already standing up an naked. If you’re trying this in your bedroom, or elsewhere, and you might normally watch porn it can be a good idea to put the laptop/phone/tablet at eye-level and then explore your body whilst upright. Make sure that your feet are nice and flat on the ground, and that there’s a little soft bend in the knees so your legs aren’t locked out. Pay attention to your butt cheeks – try not to clench them really tight, let them relax and let the hips/pelvis move a little bit. In this position you get access to more of your body than you would when you’re lying or sitting down.
Another simple way to interrupt the habitual, horizontal position. Come up onto your knees so you’re more upright. If this isn’t comfortable for you (if you have knee or ankle issues), the I suggest investing in a big, fat meditation cushion and put that between your butt and your hips. This raises you up and takes some pressure out of the knees. Normal sofa cushions or pillows will also suffice. This is a lovely position to be able to explore your genitals, the belly, the breasts and the throat. This is one of my favourites!
This is an extension of the ‘on your knees’ position. Use one hand resting on the floor to give you support and then the other hand is free to play with genitals in the front. You can also reach round from here to play with your bum cheeks, the sides of your body, your arsehole and your lower back (all delightful sensitive areas). Bring in a little bit of active movement here: rather than just staying still and moving your hands, let your body rock back and forward, or let your hips circle around, or let your spine arch and round.
This requires only a small adjustment from the common position of lying on the back. This is obviously lovely to use in bed! You can either have your knees pulled up together, or I prefer to have the top leg bent and the underneath straight. This position is really comfortable for exploring anal massage.
This is a really relaxed, chilled position. Make sure your back is well supported: sitting at the head of the bed with lots of cushions to prop you up, or on the sofa, or on the floor and leaning against the wall. This ensures that your belly and core can stay relaxed. Bring the soles of the feet together and let the knees drop outwards. Use more cushions underneath the knees for support, and to make sure that there’s no tension in your inner thighs. This is a great one for anyone who struggles with erectile dysfunction or vaginismus as it creates a gentle, softening stretch for the muscles and fascia of the pelvic floor and groin.
Using these different positions in masturbation
In all these positions, explore ways that you can move your body to generate sensation, to break the habit of just moving the hand(s) and keeping the body rigid and passive. For example, when standing, gently rock the pelvis back and forth to move your penis into your hands; or when side-lying, arch and round the back to glide your vulva over your palms as they rest between your legs. Use the opportunity to really feel how your body can stretch, undulate and expand.
To apply this to masturbation, you could choose one of the suggested positions that is different to your habitual posture and start your masturbation practice there – you can always go back to your usual position if you want to. Alternatively, set an intention to move through 2 or 3 different positions as a way to be more active and engaged with your body.
If you want to learn more about building a more exciting and satisfying masturbation practice check out my 8 week online course packed full of video tutorials, guided meditations and exercises.