How often should you masturbate?
Signs of a healthy (or unhealthy) self pleasure habit
What do you think is a healthy number of times per week to masturbate? As a masturbation coach I get asked this very intimate question more often than you’d think. Everyone wants to know if they’re normal, but asking how often people masturbate isn’t exactly dinner party conversation (unless you’re me) – so figuring out what’s ‘average’ can be challenging! A 2010 Kinsey Institute survey of roughly 5800 people estimated that about 25% of men aged 18 to 59 masturbated a few times per month to weekly. Roughly 20% masturbated 2 to 3 times each week. Less than 20% masturbated more than 4 times a week. A 2022 study of 1958 women aged 18-92 found that 8.8% of women reported masturbating at least once a week in the past year, about 27% of women reported masturbating in the past month, and many more reported lower frequencies (monthly or less). The figures are interesting but they don’t necessarily tell you what a ‘healthy’ relationship with masturbation looks like. Let’s look at why.
How to know what's a healthy masturbation frequency for you
There’s no simple answer to the question of masturbation frequency: my take on it is that it’s really individual. A ‘healthy amount’ of masturbation is a completely subjective thing for you. It’s not like taking medication where someone can tell you ’take two of these, twice a day for 10 days and then you’ll be healthy’. Part of my online mindful masturbation courseis a questionnaire to help you figure out what is the healthiest routine or structure – for you – when it comes to masturbation or self pleasure. There’s a few different things I encourage you to consider when trying to figure out how often you should masturbate.
Signs your masturbation habits might be unhealthy
If you’re asking yourself this question then you probably feel that your current situation with masturbation is somehow unhealthy. Taking into consideration the habits or patterns that you’ve unconsciously fallen into will give you a starting point for a healthier, more balanced approach.
Compulsive masturbation patterns to look out for
If you feel that you’re someone who has used masturbation in quite a compulsive way – if you masturbate several times per day; or every day as a stress relief or form of procrastination; or you’ve been very dependent on porn; or if you feel your current masturbation habits are preventing you from getting on with other things in your life – then perhaps for you actually a ‘healthy’ alternative is to have just one really mindful, really nourishing and nurturing self-pleasure session per week, or maybe one every fortnight.
What to do if you rarely masturbate
Whereas, if you’re someone who never masturbates – if you have quite a disconnected relationship with your body; if your pleasure is something that never gets prioritised; if you carry a lot of shame around sex and pleasure – then I would encourage you to find some way to integrate small, daily practices (3 minutes, 5 minutes, maybe up to 15 minutes per day) to build that habit of being connected to your body, your pleasure and your sexual energy.
What does a healthy masturbation practice look like?
A key component of my mindful masturbation course is building up the variety in your self-pleasure practices. One of the main things that can make masturbation feel like an unhealthy habit is that it has become routine, boring and predictable. It’s become unconscious and uninspiring. A simple way to bring it back to the healthy side is to consider that masturbation doesn’t always have to be that same unconscious set of actions. Perhaps masturbation doesn’t always have to end in peak orgasm or ejaculation. It would definitely be more varied and interesting if it didn’t always go straight to the genitals and overlook the rest of your body. Mindful masturbation in a healthy and integrated way might look like:
- one practice per week that is just focussed on massaging your belly, or your breasts
- one practice per week that involves genital touch or genital massage, and incorporates some sex toys
- one session per week that focuses on exploring the breath and connection with your arousal and sexual energy through movement.
Again, the ‘programme’ will vary from person to person and needs to be rooted in your unique set of circumstances. Rather than masturbation being a compulsive or predictable routine every time, you might be masturbating three times per week but each experience is really different. This variety and intentionality will, inevitably, feel more nourishing and more mindful.
The emotional effects of healthy vs unhealthy masturbation
Generally speaking, an ‘unhealthy’ habit is something that feels good in the short term but the long term effect is often negative. Smoking that cigarette might feel good as you’re doing it, but the long term negative effects on your health are well known. Skipping the gym and eating a pizza might feel like the better option right now, but if you do that every day the cumulative result will be weight gain, poor health and general decline. If your relationship with masturbation is currently in an unhealthy cycle it’s possible that you’ll be using it to get that little hit of dopamine, which seems to make you ‘feel good’ in the moment, but you’ll likely feel drained, uncomfortable, ashamed or disappointed in the aftermath.
Benefits of mindful masturbation
It’s my experience that a more mindful and intentional approach to self-pleasure results in something that adds energy to your day; at the end of the experience you feel nourished, satisfied and that the experience has contributed something positive to your day. This shift is often achieved by taking away the ‘goal’ – that ‘happy ending’ (why would you want your happiness to end?!) of a peak orgasm that feels nice for about 10 seconds but ultimately leaves your system depleted. When you start approaching masturbation with a more curiosity based, or explorative, mindset you’re making it more likely that you’ll feel rejuvenated by the experience.
How to build a healthy masturbation practice
Ultimately, what’s healthy for you is an entirely unique thing. There is no ‘one size fits all’ approach to masturbation or self-pleasure, but (in my opinion) it’s a really powerful area of life to lay the foundations for healthy habits. If you want more information about building a healthy and mindful relationship with masturbation I recommend checking out my online course or getting in touch to discuss masturbation coaching sessions.
With Love,
Libby
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