How can I give great anal massage?
How to give an anal massage: a beginner's guide
Wondering how to give an anal massage, either to yourself or to a partner? Perhaps you’re curious about anal play but don’t know where to begin, or you’re worried about hygiene, discomfort or simply getting it ‘wrong’.
The good news is that anal massage doesn’t have to involve penetration, and it certainly doesn’t need to be complicated. With a little preparation, some curiosity and a willingness to slow down, it can be a wonderful way to explore new sensations, deepen relaxation and discover more about your body.
In this guide, I’ll share five simple external anal massage techniques, along with some practical advice on preparation, positioning and making the experience comfortable and enjoyable.
Why does anal massage feel good?
Anal massage is great foreplay for anal sex, but that’s certainly not the only reason for incorporating it into your sex life!
Many people carry a great deal of emotional charge (shame, fear, anxiety) around their anal area, sometimes without even being consciously aware of it. Societal and religious conditioning can create a deep sense of ‘wrongness’ and taboo around this part of the body.
Yet the anus and surrounding tissues are richly supplied with sensory nerve endings, making this an area with considerable potential for pleasurable sensation.
The anal sphincters also play an interesting role in our experience of tension and relaxation. The internal anal sphincter is made of smooth, involuntary muscle, whilst the external sphincter is under voluntary control. Gentle, mindful touch, combined with relaxed breathing, can help us become more aware of how we’re holding tension in this area and explore the experience of softening and releasing it.
In my work as a Sexological Bodyworker, I often encourage people to think about anal massage as an opportunity for greater embodiment: becoming more aware of sensations in the body, rather than simply focusing on achieving a particular sexual outcome.
Anal massage can open up a whole new dimension for pleasurable sexual exploration.
For penis-owners, external anal massage can be highly pleasurable, whilst internal exploration may also incorporate prostate stimulation. For vulva-owners, anal massage can expand their pelvic awareness and offer new dimensions of erotic pleasure, including indirect stimulation of structures around the vagina through the rectal wall.
And one great thing about assholes is that we all have one!
Before you begin: consent, communication and relaxation
If you’re exploring anal massage with a partner, talk about it first.
Have an open and honest conversation about what it brings up for you: previous experiences, fears, fantasies, boundaries and expectations.
Generally, if you’re not able to talk about something sexual, you may not be emotionally ready to try it.
Make sure you’re both enthusiastically consenting to the experience, and take your time. Remember that consent is ongoing, and either person can pause or stop at any point.
There’s no need to rush towards penetration, orgasm or any particular goal. In fact, some of the most enjoyable experiences happen when we let go of the idea that we’re supposed to be getting somewhere!
How to prepare for anal massage: hygiene and comfort
Anxieties around hygiene are usually a major inhibition to partnered or solo anal experiences, so a shower might be a good place to begin your anal massage.
A simple preparation step is also to go to the loo beforehand, using healthy toilet habits:
When sitting on the toilet, raise your feet on a step or block so that your knees are higher than your hips (a supported squatting position). This can help the puborectalis muscle relax, allowing the anorectal angle to straighten and making bowel movements easier.
Don’t ‘push’ or ‘force’ your bowel movement. Breathe deeply and allow your belly to expand and relax.
After a normal bowel movement, the rectum is usually relatively empty, although some residual faecal matter is always possible. There’s no need to aim for absolute cleanliness!
Wash your hands before and after anal play, keep your fingernails short and smooth, and consider wearing nitrile or latex gloves if you like. The smooth texture of gloves can also feel enjoyable.
If you want to consider ‘douching’ (a water enema), I recommend reading this informative and detailed guide to anal douching. Remember that douching isn’t necessary for external anal massage, and frequent or excessive douching can irritate the rectum.
A little lubricant can also make the experience more comfortable. Choose a body-safe lubricant suitable for anal use, particularly if you plan to explore closer contact with the anal opening.
One important hygiene consideration: Avoid transferring fingers, toys or lubricant from the anus to the vagina without thoroughly washing or changing barriers first, as this can introduce bacteria and potentially cause infection.
Whether you’re giving yourself an anal massage or giving your partner an anal massage, these basic steps will help you explore with greater confidence.
How to give an anal massage: 5 simple techniques
The following five techniques are a great starting point for anyone learning how to give an anal massage.
All of these involve external anal massage, meaning there’s no penetration involved. They’re suitable for solo exploration or partnered touch, and you can experiment with different pressures, speeds and sensations to discover what feels enjoyable.
Remember that anal massage should never be painful. If you experience discomfort, stop, reduce the pressure or change what you’re doing.
1. Warming up: start with the surrounding body
Take some time (a good 5–10 minutes at least) to stroke, caress, pat, knead, pummel, squeeze and generally massage the thighs, bum cheeks, hips and lower back.
You might even like to do some exercise, such as squats, lunges or dancing, as well as some stretching before your massage.
All this helps to bring attention and blood flow to the area, encouraging greater awareness and relaxation in the skin and muscles.
For self-massage: Find a comfortable position where your hands can reach your anus without too much tension in your arms or torso.
I suggest lying on your side with one knee raised towards your chest, but you can experiment and see what works for you.
Some people like to sit on their knees and reach around behind, whilst others prefer lying on their back with pillows under their head and their legs lifted into a ‘happy baby’ yoga pose.
For partner massage: The receiver can lie on their belly with their legs apart, or with one knee pulled up towards the chest.
If giving anal massage to a partner with a vulva, lying on their back can make it easier to avoid transferring lubricant or bacteria from the anus towards the vagina. Alternatively, they can lie on their belly and you can use a small towel to protect the vaginal area.
2. Holding: explore stillness and sensation
Begin your anal massage by simply holding one or two finger pads over the anal sphincter.
Breathe deeply, exhaling through your mouth.
Allow the body and mind to settle before starting any movement.
Tune in to the points of contact between the finger pads and anus:
What kinds of sensation do you feel?
What distractions arise?
What emotions are present?
Can you notice any changes as you breathe and relax?
This is also a useful touch to return to at different points during your anal massage.
Sometimes simply holding still can offer a surprisingly interesting sensory experience.
3. Circles: experiment with pressure and movement
Use one or two fingers to make small circles on and around the edge of the anal sphincter.
Play with pressure. A light, feathery touch can feel quite different from a firmer, deeper touch.
Start with small circles and gradually increase the circumference to incorporate the inner edges of the bum cheeks.
There’s no particular speed or pressure that’s ‘correct’. The idea is to explore and notice how different kinds of touch feel.
4. Stroking: explore different directions
Beginning on the perineum (the area between the genitals and anus), stroke your fingers up towards the tailbone.
You can continue the touch onto and over the sacrum if that feels good.
Again, experiment with pressure and speed.
Another variable here is to introduce a small amount of lubricant to create more ‘glide’.
Notice whether the sensation changes depending on the direction of the stroke, the speed of your movements or how much contact you make with the surrounding skin.
5. Doorbell and clock face: explore the anal sphincter
Doorbell
Holding one or two finger pads over the anus, apply gentle pressure as if you were pressing a doorbell.
The intention is not to penetrate, but simply to press, hold and then release.
Try moving in time with the breath:
Inhale: release the pressure.
Exhale: gently apply pressure.
Allow the pressure to remain comfortable and never force against resistance.
Clock face
Beginning in the centre of the anus using the doorbell technique, move your fingers a millimetre or so up towards ’12 o’clock’ (towards the tailbone), so you’re touching the edge of the anal sphincter.
It may feel a little like a thick rubber band.
Repeat with ‘6 o’clock’ (towards the perineum), ‘3 o’clock’ and ‘9 o’clock’.
Explore the differences:
Are there different sensations at each point?
Do some areas feel more sensitive than others?
Does the sensation stay local, or do you notice it elsewhere in your body?
Remember to explore touch using both hands.
If you’re solo, this may involve changing position during your massage, which I encourage.
Often people habitually touch themselves or others with only one hand. You may find that there’s a very different sensory experience when exploring with your less dominant hand, simply because the quality, coordination and familiarity of the touch are different.
Whether you’re on your own or with a partner, it’s also great to incorporate touch around the rest of the body during your anal massage. Every now and then, let your hands stroke and caress the thighs, bum cheeks, lower belly, torso and chest.
What if you want to explore anal penetration?
Sometimes external anal massage will be just the ticket – and sometimes you or your partner will want to explore further. If you’re going to move to internal touch, or penetration, always get consent before diving in.
For more information on prostate massage, internal anal massage and the anatomy of pleasure, you can explore my next article.
Try not to become attached to any goals. Take your time and enjoy the experience at hand.
Want to learn more about anal massage?
If this introduction has sparked your curiosity, there’s plenty more to explore!
I’ve created a comprehensive Online Anal Massage Course to help individuals and couples develop their knowledge, confidence and practical skills.
The course takes you beyond these introductory techniques, with detailed anatomy education, practical demonstrations and follow along video lessons, guidance on hygiene and safety, and a whole range of ways to explore anal massage for pleasure, relaxation and greater body awareness.
Whether you’re completely new to anal massage or already have some experience and want to expand your repertoire, it’s designed to help you explore at your own pace, without pressure or performance expectations.
Explore my Online Anal Massage Course
Alternatively, if you’re a couple and you’d like personalised guidance on giving and receiving anal massage, or you’re an individual interested in self-massage or receiving professional bodywork, you’re welcome to get in touch for bodywork sessions or virtual coaching sessions.
Email me at elizabeth@touchofhappiness.co.uk to enquire about coaching or in-person sessions.
With Love,
Libby
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