Why you should be trying anal massage...
Anal massage is great foreplay for anal sex, but that’s not the only reason for incorporating it into your sex life! Many people have more unconscious emotional charge (shame, fear, pain) in their anal area than in any other part of their body. Societal and religious conditioning create a deep sense of ‘wrongness’ and taboo. Yet this is one of the most densely innervated centres of the body in terms of nerve endings and nervous system impact. Anal massage is a very effective route to full-body relaxation as you are addressing smooth, involuntary muscle fibres and nerve endings. Muscular release that is sourced from the anus tends to effect the whole body system, not just the local area. Thus, touch and connection in the anal area are crucial for full and deep embodiment.
We all have an anus...
Anal massage opens up a whole new dimension for pleasurable sexual exploration. For penis-owners, anal massage can be both highly pleasurable and also a practice of preventative prostate care. For vulva-owners, anal massage can expand their pelvic embodiment and offer new dimensions of erotic pleasure including prostate stimulation (g-spot) from within the rectum. One great thing about assholes is that we all have one!
Before you begin anal massage...
If you’re exploring anal play with a partner, talk about it first. Have an open an honest conversation about what it brings up for you: previous experiences, fears, fantasies, boundaries etc. Generally if you’re not able to talk about something sexual then you may not be emotionally ready to try it. Make sure that you’re both enthusiastically consenting to the experience and take your time.
Anxieties around hygiene are usually a major inhibition to partnered or solo anal experiences, therefore a shower might be a good place to begin your anal massage. A simple preparation step is also to just go to the loo beforehand, using healthy toilet protocol:
- When sitting on the toilet, raise your feet up on a step or block so that your knees are higher than your hips (known as ‘squatting’). This relaxes the puborectalis muscle, allowing the anorectal angle to straighten and the bowel to empty completely. Squatting lifts the sigmoid colon to unlock the ‘kink’ at the entrance to the rectum.
- Don’t ‘push’ or ‘force’ your bowel movement but breathe deeply and allow your belly to expand and relax.
- If you have had a full bowel movement it’s really unlikely that there will be any faeces stored in your rectum, so you can relax.
- Finally, wash your hands before and after your anal play, and even wear latex/nitrile gloves if you like. The smooth texture of the gloves can also feel enjoyable!
If you want to consider ‘douching’ (a water enema) then I really recommend this informative, fun and detailed blog as a guide (CLICK HERE)
How to give an anal massage...
Whether you’re giving yourself an anal massage, or giving your partner an anal massage, these basic steps will help you explore and enjoy!
Warming up: Take some time (a good 5-10 minutes at least) to stroke, caress, pat, knead, pummel, squeeze and generally massage the thighs, bum cheeks, hips and lower back. You might even like to do some exercise like squats, lunges or dancing as well as some stretching before your massage. All this helps to bring attention and blood flow to the area, meaning you will have more relaxed and sensitive skin and muscles. For self-massage, find a comfortable position where your hands can reach your anus without too much tension in your arms or torso: I suggest lying on your side with one knee raised up towards your chest but you can experiment and see what works for you. Some people like to sit on their knees and reach round behind, others like to lie on their back with pillows under their head, their legs lifted up into a ‘happy baby’ yoga pose. For partner massage, the receiver can lie on their belly with their legs apart, or one knee pulled up towards the chest. If giving anal massage to a female partner it’s best that they lie on their back, so that no oil etc is transferred from anus to vagina. Alternatively they can lie on their belly and you can press a small towel over the entrance to the vagina.
Holding: Begin your anal massage by simply holding one or two finger pads over the anal sphincter. Breath deeply, exhaling through your mouth. Allow the body and mind to settle before starting any movement. Tune in to the points of contact between the finger pad and anus: what kinds of sensation do you feel, what distractions arise, what emotions are present etc. This is also a useful touch to come back to at different points during your anal massage.
Circles: Use one or two fingers to make small circles on and around the edge of the anal sphincter. Play with pressure – a light feathery touch will stimulate different nerve endings to a firmer, deeper touch. Start with small circles and gradually increase the circumference to incorporate the inner edges of the bum cheeks.
Stroking: Beginning on the perineum, stroke the finger(s) up towards the tailbone. You can continue the touch onto and over the sacrum if that feels good. Again, experiment with pressure and speed. Another variable here is to introduce a small amount of oil or lube to create more ‘glide’.
Doorbell: Holding one or two finger pads over the anus, apply gentle pressure as if you were pressing a doorbell. The intention is not to penetrate but to press, hold and then release. Try moving in time with the breath – inhale release pressure, exhale apply pressure.
Clock face: Beginning in the centre of the anus using the doorbell technique, then move the finger(s) a millimetre or so up towards ’12 o’clock’ (towards the tailbone) so you are touching onto the edge of the anal sphincter (it will feel a little like a thick rubber band). Repeat with ‘6 o’clock’ (towards the perineum), ‘3 o’clock’ and ‘9 o’clock’. Are there different sensations at each point, different levels of sensation, does the sensation stay local or does it refer to elsewhere in your body etc?
Full body pleasure...
Remember to explore touch using both hands. If you’re solo, this may involve changing position during your massage, which I encourage. Often people habitually touch themselves/others with only one hand, you may find that there is a very different sensation experience when you explore with the less dominant hand – the nerve stimulation is travelling along entirely different pathways.
On your own or with a partner, always incorporate touch of the rest of the body, every now and then let your hands stroke and caress the thighs, bum cheeks, lower belly, torso and chest.
How to move to anal penetration...
For my full guide on prostate massage, g-spot stimulation and internal anal massage you can jump over to my next blog article. Remember, sometimes external anal massage will be just the ticket, sometimes you/your partner will want to move further. Try not to be attached to any goals, just take your time and enjoy the experience at hand.
If you’re a couple and you want to enquire about coaching and sessions that will guide you in giving/receiving anal massage; if you’re an individual and you want to learn more about self-massage or you want to book a session to receive an anal massage then please get in touch on email: email@example.com